I have always felt a responsibility to help others see things they cannot see – the boyfriend on drugs, the way they are being taken advantage of, the abuse happening. I have always suffered deeply to see anyone else suffering, especially when I can see a way for their suffering to end. This drove me to break out of abuse, go to school for 10 years while working and being a single mother with almost zero child support, start my business and make my first million in 2 years. But I have come to realize that it was all ego-driven. I am not responsible for getting anyone else to see anything at all.
This realization has led me to question the importance of my version of reality and my need to express it. I have also realized that it is not my place to show others the truth I see, help them be different, or teach them anything at all, unless they are directly asking for it. Instead, I want to enjoy life, see the greatness in others, and be fully present with them. I want to listen without the intention to get the conversation to a result, reflect back what they have said and truly hear them. I want to be vulnerable and forthcoming with my real thoughts and feelings when asked, and only when directly asked.
I feel embarrassed at how many times I have been a terrible listener and tried to get others to see my point of view. However, I am grateful to be able to see it now to this level and am committed to changing for the better.
To support this growth, I am undertaking a 30-day moong soup cleanse, abstaining from all substances, and committing to a minimum of 2 hours of meditation daily, with rigorous daily spiritual practice.
With love,
Terra